Monday, November 21, 2016


I have known I would need to write something, but I go back and forth in my head what I should say, what I shouldn't say, what is too private to share, and about a million other separate trains of thought woven in there. But, as I said, I have known I would need to write something. I know I need to write something for my sake, because somewhere along the way, writing has become therapeutic for me. In those big, larger than life moments/situations/circumstances, it has helped. It helps me in the moment, and it helps me look back on.

My love for this baby will never go away, or fade, or become lesser than it was the day we found out we were expecting. In the same way, my joy knowing this incredible little life is with Jesus and will welcome me into heaven one day will never go away, or fade. The coexistence of my grief and my joy is exhausting. At the same time, I am so thankful for both of them, and they are both desperately needed. I am thankful for my grief because it reminds me that this baby wasn't just a fetus. It reminds me that this baby was woven together by the hands of God...created in His image, and as much of a worthy, precious life as you or I...and the loss of that baby is worth grieving for. Of course I am thankful for the joy I feel, the incredible picture we get to look forward to of meeting this sweet soul in heaven one day. I have that to look forward to for the rest of my life, how wonderful is that?

1 comment:

  1. I know this is many months too late, but just wanted to empathize with you. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. We had two miscarriages and I think about the beautiful day we will get to meet those little souls, too. They are sweet babies, not just fetuses. Sending up a prayer asking that angels surround you today so that you feel His hope.